Prison Ministry

While teaching a class for Christian Prisoners at Palmer Correctional one Tuesday night, I was part of a group of 8 men in a small group discussion about the character quality of "Genuine Love." I wasn't all that suprised when the devil showed up. One of the men was very jumpy whenever someone passed behind him. I asked him if he knew whether or not he had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. He replied, "What's that." I explained what little I know about PTSD and asked him if he'd had a happy childhood. He replied, " I don't remember much of my childhood." This man is suffering from PTSD and doesn't know it. I wanted to talk to him more but had to move on. As we shared things around the table some of the other men expressed problems they were having when it comes to anger. The whole conversation shifted from Genuine Love to Anger Resolution. One man's anger flares up just because he doesn't like the way a person looks at him. Another holds his anger inside for long periods of time and then explodes all at once. A fight almost broke out when one man started making a noise that irritated another inmate (aparently he does the same thing daily just to irritate the guy). While I was helping the irritated inmate calm down, someone else took up an offense for him against the guy making the irritating noise. It was quite exciting for a few minutes. Really cool stuff to sort out. I was having so much fun rooting out all this anger that I ran out of time, led the men in prayer, and had to head for the front gate. Oh well. There's always next week. Please pray for prison ministries. The particular ministry I'm working with has been keeping stats for six years and has reduced the recidivism(hope I spelled that right-Men who get out of prison and re-offend to go right back in) rate from 80% to 20% for the men that go through our program. That is a significant benefit to Society, and Im priveleged to be a small part of that. God bless Chaplain Mike Ensche, Chaplain Paul, and all the Chaplains and volunteers.

Holiday Madness: Tips For Avoiding Holiday Anger

Remaining anger free during the holiday season presents some unusual challenges. I will attempt to communicate some tips and tricks that have proven useful to myself and others. If you have any additional helpful tips, I will be grateful to you if you put them in the comment section. With all of the additional pressures that the holidays put on our already stressful lives, it is no wonder that we struggle more with our temper at this time of year. So lets look first at why this happens, keeping in mind that these outside triggers are not to blame for our anger, but simply help us see ourselves as we truly are.
Thanksgiving and Christmas can be times of great joy, celebration, and Spiritual meaning to us, but they can also bring More Activities, opportunities to indulge in excessive food and drink, impossible scheduling challenges, loneliness, depression, and poor sleep patterns. One of the first anger generating problems that arises during this time of year is that of unmet expectations. Most of us, if we are honest, would admit to having the perfect Thanksgiving Dinner with the perfect guest list, perfect food, perfect decorations, scheduled at just the perfect time of day, with all family members and guests behaving perfectly. These expectations are not wrong, but may be very different from the expectations of others involved in our lives. Where it all goes wrong is when I view my expectations as rights that must be respected by everyone else. When I have that kind of self serving attitude, I am setting myself up for an explosive, angry Thanksgiving. If you are married you have big challenges to resolve. Your partner in life has expectations too. They may have grown up with very different holiday traditions. Maybe you and your spouse are from completely different cultures with different cultural norms for the holidays. For example: maybe you come from a family that is small, quiet, reserved, and conservative, but your mate comes from a household where loudness, chaos, and overcrowded dining rooms with small children running amok is normal. You may then have an expectation of a nice, small, quiet gathering of a couple of very close friends and your immediate family, and become very agitated to find that your spouse has invited everyone that you know plus all of the extended family who are coming in from out of town to stay at your place for a week! Then you argue your points, become angrier because you can't imagine why this person you love is so stubborn. You say things you regret in a very loud voice or worse. So the holiday becomes miserable for everyone. The key to resolving these type of problems is to have some conversations about what is to be expected before Thanksgiving actually arrives. Work out the details and negotiate compromises if necessary. If for some reason my wife is unwilling to compromise on her expectations then I need to be willing to lay mine on the alter to God and give them to him, because our personal relationship is too precious to destroy with damaging anger while trying to fight for my perceived rights. Asking the Lord daily for the power and will to respond to people with the fruit of the Holy Spirit. Galatians 5:22-25 tells what our behavior should look like: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." Let's remember what the season is about also. Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time of gratefulness to God for His provision of our basic needs. Christmas is supposed to be a time of rejoicing that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son to be born of a virgin and to prove his identity with signs and wonders and eventually to be sacrificed for your sins and for my sins.
What else can we do when it looks like we can't have everything the way we want it? The Anger Resolution Seminar that I facilitate at ABT once a week has a section that lists five steps. I guarantee if you do these steps you will receive the power of the Holy Spirit, because they are solid, Biblical responses to suffering.

1. Give thanks - Thank God for what he is going to accomplish in my life through this difficult situation. I don't have to feel thankful to accomplish this step. I just do it out of obedience.
2. Rejoice - We are told in scripture to rejoice in the Lord always. But in order to rejoice I need to have reasons. I Look for benefits that I will receive if I properly respond to this trial. I rejoice in those benefits.
3. Engraft Scripture - As I read my Bible I look for scriptures that apply to my situation and when I find them I memorize them and use them as a shield against wrong thoughts.
4. Appeal to God - If a situation is too great for me then I cry out to God to save me from it. I appeal to his mercy to relieve suffering.
5. Triumph - Triumph over evil with good works. When I have a difficult person in my life, I ask God to reveal a unique "good work", that I can perform to benefit their life. If God doesn't reveal something I can do then I pray daily for that person. If the problem person continues to be a tormentor then I default back to step one and go all the way through step four if necessary. I then exercise the fruit of patience and wait for God to work, or reveal to me what my work is to be.

These steps are found in detail in the Anger Resolution Seminar Workbook. I typed them out from memory because they must be memorized and used often in order to be effective. I have used them so often that I can recite them forward and backward. This of course doesn't mean that I always choose to use them. I am a sinner and sometimes choose the wrong things instead of the more excellent ways of God.

Even though we have stated previously that angry outbursts are not caused by holiday stress but rather reveal the true me, my personal anger triggers are much more likely to be revealed when outside stressors are intensified. There is an acrostic used often in 12-Step Recovery circles that reminds us of the common stressors. The acrostic word is HALT. H-hungry, A-angry, L-lonely, T-tired. Let's look at the hungry, lonely and, tired parts.

When I wait too long to eat a meal because of time pressures it causes a drop in blood sugar which causes a drop in energy and in some individuals serious agitation. Unless you have properly prepared your body and planned to fast at this time, I recommend slowing down long enough to eat properly. There is much information available out there in the world about how to eat properly. Some of the information is conflicting though so find out what sounds wise to you and try it. Modify things as needed until you find a health and nutrition plan that works for your lifestyle. I personally find that my body works best when I eat mostly raw vegetables, and fruit along with a small portion of protein at three separate meals per day. My body does not respond well to white flour, sugar, or anything highly processed by manufacturing. I therefore try to avoid anything that comes from a bag or a box sitting on a grocery store shelf. Holiday time also brings opportunities to overindulge in foods or chemical substances (drugs) that will make us feel terrible. Junk food, alcohol, and drugs may become available to us at this time of year. Even just overeating at Thanksgiving or Christmas Dinners can give us what I call a food hangover. When we physically feel bad it is much more difficult to control behavior and respond correctly to difficult people and situations.

The L in HALT stands of course for lonely. For some of us the holidays can be very depressing. Do not isolate yourself in a lonely world away from those who care about you. Have a couple of trusted, and caring friends on speed dial to call if you feel down. Attend wholesome uplifting gatherings. Continue to attend your Recovery Group if you have one. Consider finding one if you don't. I recomend Recovery Groups even if you think you've got your act together. I had an old High School Coach that used to say, "There's always room for improvement!" You may discover things about yourself that you did not know and find a very enriching experience as you connect with people who are learning how to improve their lives.

The final letter is T - tired. Holiday time can be exhausting. I try to make an extra effort to get to bed early whenever I can during this time. The more sleep I can get the better able I am to cope with the outside influences that want to crowd in on me. This, for me, has also involved learning to say no to some good activities that might be fun. But, I've learned through experience that too much of a good thing is a bad thing. Also along the same lines, a good thing that is done at the wrong time or in the wrong way becomes a bad thing as well. For example: I've found that if I eat a portion of carbohydrate with a portion of fat (Popcorn with butter) after 7:00pm I will have trouble getting to sleep. Is popcorn a good thing? Oh yeah!! Can popcorn become a bad thing? Absolutely! Everything we do should be done decently and in order. Pay attention to the effects your actions cause and modify your behaviors accordingly. If you don't know how to do this then seek out how from books and people who do know how.

So, that's what I do to help prevent anger at holiday time. If you have some more ideas please comment. I am looking for any ideas that have been useful to you and thanks for reading this.

The Lord bless and keep you through the might of His power,

Jeff