Darryl is a man about my age who has an anger problem, a drug problem, an alcohol problem and hence a relationship with his kids and The Court System problem. Darryl has come into my life at a crossroads in his. He spent some time in jail recently for assaulting his girlfriend and at this time, he is trying to change his life around and get in right relationship with God and his fellow man.I didn't know any of this when he came to my Anger Resolution Class. He just looked like any man out of hundreds that have sat in my class, going through the painful process of resolving anger. Although I always say it's never too late to resolve your anger, you certainly could say that most men wait until it appears to be too late to start this work. They are in trouble and want me to "fix" them. They normally react with anger towards me at first when they discover that I am powerless to fix them and can only lead them through the uncomfortable process of discovering their tangled web of flawed thinking, and wrong choices. They often come with a big angry chip on their shoulder, because they feel as though they have been betrayed by those that love them and forced to get help they don't think they need. Sometimes I am attacked verbally for being the bearer of bad news; when I confront a man's violations of Biblical Standards. Some are man enough to soldier on through the process, but some are not, and retreat back into their cave to hide and control what small bit of their existence they can. They end up bitter, angry alone, and sometimes in jail.In my own recovery work as well as my work with other men I've come to realize what some of the mental strongholds are that nurture and foster a state of anger. I define strongholds as unscriptural ideas that we get from the world, the flesh, and the devil. The stronghold is actually perceived by the individual holding it to be truth. They really believe that the false idea is true and have lived life based on it. This wouldn't be so dificult to deal with if it was just one stronghold, but unfortunately most of us have developed many false ideas and concepts on which we base all of our decisions. When we have based all of our decisions on lies, it should be no wonder that our lives are a wreck. Strongholds don't have to be outright lies either. They can be half truths. For example, I know that it's wrong to go around hitting people when they trigger my anger and I would never fall for a lie that told me that was OK. But I might fall for a half truthed lie that says, "I have to ensure my kids are treated decently and my wife is not treating the kids well, so I need to smack her around because it's for the kids sake." In this example we have truth; "I need to ensure my kids are taken care of properly", but it has been mixed with a lie: "My violent action is needed to correct this problem."Many times angry folks are a product of modern church teaching that goes something like this: Come to Jesus and He'll take away your problems, heal your marriage, cure your disease, make you financially successful, and give you peace in this life. The problem with this teaching is that it's a half truth. Can Jesus solve my problems? Absolutely! Does He solve my problems, though? Is it in the best interest of His goal for me to become more like Christ to take away all of my problems? No! If Jesus took away all of my struggles I would never call on Him for help. I would never learn the character building lessons He intends and would never grow to maturity developing the life message He wants me to have for ministry. Does Jesus offer peace? Absolutely! He died so that I, who was an enemy of God through my rebellion against His ways, can now have peace with God. But the Bible doesn't promise me a peaceful life: "all who live Godly shall suffer persecution." So in most of the preaching that I hear today, people are not being prepared for suffering. This is not the evangelism model of scripture. See www.livingwaters.com for more information. People who have come to Jesus for happiness, I have found to be rather weak sisters when the going gets tough. They have not been informed that trials, temptations, persecution, and sufferings of various kinds, are all part of christianity. Therefore they end up giving up on the whole thing and become some of the most bitter anti-christian people you will ever try to reach out to. That's the end of the process, but I usually see them before that end has been completed. They are a man or woman who has come to Jesus for the wrong motivations: Happiness, success, better crowd to hang out with and so on. They, therefore have never truly repented from sin because no one has bothered to tell them what sin is. No one has confronted them and explained that sexual activity with someone they aren't married to is called fornication by God, Lieing is hated by God, hatred is the same as murder and all will be punished. People who chose to live that way will end up in hell, which is the last thing an evangelist wants. The evangelist wants a part in saving people from hell, but because he has failed to mention or warn of sin, death, and hell, that's what will happen. The Bible tells me that without repentance (turning away from sin and living God's way) there is no salvation. So I end up with a person who claims to be a Christian and has even adopted a good deal of "church speak". They say "amen", "halleluia", and "Good evening brother Jeff", but they are living and making decissions no differently than they did before their "salvation". In reality they are still ensnared by the world, the flesh, and the devil. If I ask them if they are a Christian they reply,"Yes, I'm a Christain. I'm born again. Jesus is the way." But I have to wonder about them because they are in court for assault. Their wife has a restraining order against them and has taken the kids and run to an undisclosed location filing for divorce in the process because she's tired of violent temper tantrums and living in constant fear. I ask them, "If you are a Christian then why are these fruits of evil works dominating your life? You do not exhibit any of the fruit of the Holy Spirit: Love, Joy, peace, patience, gentleness, meekness, temperence (moderation in all things), or self control. You have murder in your heart because I can see in your eyes you want to kill me for telling you these things. If you don't behave like the Bible says a Christian behaves, what makes you think you are one?" Sometimes things aren't always as the seem, but usually they are just exactly as they seem. A person who doesn't seem at all Christlike, is probably not a Christian. I of course can not know if anyone is or is not a Chriatian, but I can examine them for the fruit of the Holy Spirit and ask them to search their hearts for the truth.Getting back to Darryl who happened to be the only man in class that night. He is in a wonderful place right now. He has hit bottom and realized that his best thinking has dumped him in this lowest point in his life. He is reaching out for help with a teachable attitude. He is humbled by his inability to manage his addictions. He is seeking to know God in truth, not as a god he invented in his imagination to justify his sins. He is seeking help from other men who have traveled the road of recovery that he wants to travel. I encouraged him to hang in there and let patience have her perfect work. That life can have meaning, purpose and a duty that does sometimes bring joy, but joy is not the goal. I prayed with him and sent him home with a short reading assignment. There is hope for Darryl and I felt joy.We don't have to be continually grovelling in the mud of pleasure seeking and medicating ourselves to attempt to escape reality; destroying relationships with our wrath as we try to control and manipulate those around us. Are you tired of the struggle? Are you the smartest person you know but your life is a wreck? Do you church hop looking for the perfect church that does everything right? Do people accuse you of being angry when you don't think you are? Are your children in rebellion? Do you drive angry? Do you try really hard not to be angry, doing well for a period of time, but eventually lose it big time? Do you struggle with authorities? Have you lost or left jobs because you couldn't stand your boss or supervisor? Do you have fear, depression or moodiness? These are all just symptoms of unresolved anger that even a "born again Christian" can have. There is help out there from many great sources, my favorite of which is, "The Anger Resolution Seminar" by The Institute In Basic Life Principles. Find a siminar near you by visiting www.iblp.org or attend my class at Recovery Alaska, Anchorage Baptist Temple Room 207, 7:00 PM Thursdays.
May the Lord bless and keep you,
Jeff